Santa Banta chhat pe so rahe the,
Achaanak 🌧baarish shuroo ho gaee, santa ghabaraakar bola – Bhai jaldi niche chal lagata hai aasamaan mein chhed ho gaya hai. Achaanak jor se bijalee kadakee.
Banta – leta rah bhai vo dekh vailding vaale bhi aa gye.
Santa- Me bus pe chadu ya bus mujhpe dono me kya farq he?
Banta- koi farq nahi dono bar ticket tera hi katega.
Banta: Bhai Santa Tumhari Biwi Ka Ghutne Ka Dard Theek Hua Yaa Nahi ?
Santa: Haan Yaar Doctor Ko Dikhaate Hee Theek Ho Gaya
Banta (Hairani se): Achchha Kaunsi Dawa Se ?
Santa: Dawa Vagaira Kuchh Nahi Bas Doctor Ne Bataya Ki Ye Budhaape Kee Nishaani Hai Aur Us Din Ke Baad Phir Usne Dard Ke Shikaayat He Nahi Ki.
Santa- oye tu vhan kone mein kyun betha hai?
Banta Sardiya bahut hena esliye.
Santa : sardiya hai to kone mein kiya tapmaan jyada hai?
Bana : haan, tumhe nhi pata kona 90 degree ka hota hai.
Santa – Doctor saahab kya aap mere bimaree ka pata laga sakate ho?
Doctor – haan aap ki ankhen bahut kamazor hai?
Santa – Itani jaldi aap ko kaise pata chal gaya?
Doctor – Tumane baahar board par nahi padha ki main jaanvaron ka doctorr hoon.
Santa ne banta ko thappad maara.
Banta – ye tune mazaak mein maara ya siriyas mein.
Santa – seeriyas mein.
Banta – phir theek hai, mazaak mujhe bilkul pasand nahi.
Santa :- kaun see kaast(jaatee) ke log achchhe hote hain?
Banta :- banie…..!
Santa :- vo kaise?
Banta :- har jagah likha hota hai, desh ke achchhe naagarik ‘banie’. deshabhakt ‘banie’.
santa – tujhe pata hai, mere daada jee sher se lad gae the.
Banta – kya sach mein?
Santa – haan sach mein.
Banta – phir kya hua?
Santa – phir kya sher unhen kha gaya.
Ek baar santa jungle se hokar gujar raha tha .
saamane ped par latakate saanp ko dekhkar ruk gaya
aur bola: sirph latakane se kuchh nahin hoga
mummy ko bolo komplaan pilaaye.
Santa – Parsaun mere bivi kuen mein gir gae the, bahut chot lage, bahut chilla rahi thi.
Banta – Ab kaisee hai?
Santa – Ab theek hai, kal se kuen se aavaaj ne aae.
Doctor – kahiye kaise aana hua.
Santa – doctor sahab livar mein bahut dard ho raha hai.
Doctor – sharaab pitai ho?
Santa – haan haan bilkul par chhota paik he banaana.
Santa Banta ko gusse mein bol raha tha.😡😠
Santa – yaar, jab mainne tujhe khat ✍✍ likha ki meree shaadee mein jaroor aana. to tum aae kyon nahin?
Banta – oh yaar, mujhe tumhaara khat mila hee nahin.😚😚
Santa – maine likha to tha, ki khat mile chaahe na mile tum mere shaadi mein jaroor aana hai.
Santa aur banta jungle mein, saamane sher aagya.
Banta ne sher ki aankhon mein mittee phenk di, aur bhaagane laga, aur santa ko bhee bhaagane ko kaha.
Santa – main kyon bhaagu mittee to tune phenki hai.
Santa Banta train ke pichhe bhag rhai thai…
jab Santa chadha to logo ne kha “Well-done”
Santa- Khak well-done jana to usai tha main to chhodne aaya tha.
Santa – kal raat hamare padosi ko pata nhi kya hua aadhi raat ko mera darvaja peetane laga….
Banta- to toone kya kiya?
Santa- mene kya karana tha, main bhi masti mein tabala bajaata raha.
Santa – Jaldi se yha ambulance bhej dejiye mene dost ko ek gaadi ne thokr maar di, uske naak kaan se khoon beh rha hai shayad tang bhi tut gae hai.
operator : aap kis jgha par hain kripya vha btaao.
Santa : Connaght Places mein.
Operator: uski spelling btao mein note kar leta hun.
Aagy se koe aavaj nhi aae.
Operator: sir kiya aap mere aavaj sun rhai ho.
dusri taraf se abhi bhi koe avaaj nhi aae.
Operator: Sir please jwab dejiye kiya aap sun rhai hai?
Santa : han han maaf krna, mujhe Connaght places ki spelling nhi aati, esliye mein ese ghaseet kar Minto Road pr le aya hun.
aap Minto Road ki spelling likho.
Santa (Phone par): oye santa tera restaurant kaisa chal rha hai?
Santa: Koe khas nhi.
Banta : vese mein do-teen baar tere restaurant ayaa, par vhan par tala lga hua tha esliye mein ghar chala gya.
Santa Yaar tu lunch ya dinner ke time aya hoga, us time hum log khana khane ghar jate hai.
Bank Manager: Paisa khatam ho gya hai, kal aana.
Santa : lekin mujhe paisa abhi chahiye.
Bank Manager: daikhiye gussa mat hoye shanti se baat karen.
Santa : Han-Han bulao shanti ko abhi baat karta hun.
Teacher Santa se main jo bhi punchu uska jwab ftaft dena.
Teacher: btaao bhaart ki rajdhani kiya hai.
Santa : ftaaft.
Teacher abi tak Santa ko peet rha hai.
Santa – yaar main ghar vaalon se bahut pareshaan hoon.😱
Banta- kyon?
Santa – are mere ghar vaalon ko 🕑ghadee mein time dekhana tak nahin aata.
Banta- matalab?
Santa – subah-subah mujhe jaldi uthaate hai aur kahate hain -“uth ja dekh kitana time ho gaya
Santa ke bete ka 🤕 ekseedent ho gaya.
Doctor – ab iski donon taang kaatani padegi. santa ne apana sar pakad liya.
Doctor – kya hua?
Santa – kal he is naalaayak ko nae chappal dilae thi.
Teacher – newton ka niyam batao.
Santa – sar poori laeen to yaad nahin laast ke kuchh laeen yaad hain.
Teacher– chalo laast ki he laeen suna do.
Santa – …..aur esai he newton ka niyam kahate hain…
Banta – mere liye ek sheesha le aao jisme main apana 😐munh dekh sakoon.
Santa – aisa to koee sheesha nahi mil raha! sab mein to meree hee 😐shakl dikhaee de rahee hai…
Santa ek Microsoft company mein interview dene gya.
Interviewer- Java ke chaar version btaao.
Santa: mar java, mit java, lut java, aur sadke java.
Interviewer- Shabash, ab ghar java.
Santa aapane dost banta se kahata hai:- Banta college mein mera result dekh aana aur aakar bataana. Ghar par mere mammi paapa mere saath honge. yadi main ek vishay mein phel hua to kahana.. “jay shree raam.”🙏
aur do vishay mein phel hua to kahana.. jay shree krshna,jay shree krshna. 🙏🙏
aur agar teen vishay mein phel hua to kahana.. bramha, vishnu, mahesh kee jay. 🙏🙏🙏
Banta college se result dekhakar aaya aur bola… “bol saanche darabaar kee jay.
Santa – es mirar (aaeena) ke gairentee kya hai?
Banta – aap ese 100 manjil se neeche girao, to ye 99 manjil tak bhee nahin tootegee
Santa – vaah kiya baat hai!! ek paik kar do…!!
mendhak aur banta kee bahas chhidee.
mendhak – tum mein dimaag nahin hai.
banta – hai…
mendhak – nahi hai…
Banta – hai…
itane mein mendhak paani mein kood gaya.
Banta – le ab isme susaeed karane vaali kya baat thi!!
Santa (petrolpum pr) : arai bhai jra ek rupee ka petrol daal de. salesman : are bhai etna petrol daal kar jana kha hain??
Santa : are yaar jana to khi nhi bas hum to ese hi paise udatai hain.
Santa Banta ek dhaabe pe khaana khaane gya. vahaan ek nepaalee khaana bana raha tha.
Santa – tum amerikan ho kya?
Nepaalee – nahee main nepaalee hoon.
Santa – nahee tum amerikan ho.
Nepaalee – nahee main nepaalee hoon.
Santa – nahin tum amerikan ho.
nepaalee – achchha baaba, amerikan hoon.
Santa – par lagate to nepaalee ho…
Banta ne hajaamat kee dukaan kholee,
ek din santa sheving karaane vahaan gaya.
Banta – muchhe rakhani hai.
Santa – haan
Banta (moochhen kaat kar) – le ab jahaan rakhani hai vaha rakh le.
Santa – kal mujhe pata chala ki mere shareer mein bilkul bhi aayaran nahi hai.
Banta – kaise pata chala?
Santa – maine chumbak apane shareer pe laga kar dekha, bilkul chipaka he nahi.
mele mein ghoshana hue ek bachcha mila hai, jin ka hai, aakaar le jao. 👶
Santa – bheed se mujhe bhee dikhao, mujhe bhee dikhao, jin ka bachcha kaisa hota hai.
😂😂😂😂
doctor – aap ka vajan kitana hai?
santa – chashmen ke saath 75 kilo.
doctor – aur bina chashme ka. 👓👓
santa – vo mujhe dikhaee nahin deta…!!
jelar – kal subah 5 baje tumhe phaansee dee jaygi.
santa sardaar – ha ha ha ha..
jelar – kya hua?
Santa – main to uthata hee 🕘 9 baje hoon… 😂😂😂😂
Santa ne air port pe phone lagaaya, 📲📲
Santa – ha jee maidam, panjaab se amerika jaane mein kitana time lagata hai.✈✈
Ladkee – just ….. 1 second sir.
Santa (phone pe kahate hue) – chhod yaar lagata hai pee kar baithee hai.
Santa Banta se- tumhe 👮police ne kyon pakada?
Santa – bank lootane ke baad paise vaheen beth kar ginnane laga to police ne pakad liya.
Banta – vaheen par paise ginane kee kya jaroorat thee?
Banta – vahaan par likha tha ki kauntar chhodane se pehale paise gin len, baad mein bank jimmedaar nahi hoga….
Santa barf ka tukra utha kar use gaur se dekh rha tha.
Banta: kiya dekh rha ho bhai?
Santa: Dekh rha hun ki ye kha se leek ho rha hai!
yaatree train se utara, usane paas mein khade santa se poochha – are bhaee ye kaun sa station hai? 🤔🤔
Santa hansa, aur hansa, jor jor se hansa, hans hans ke lot pot ho gaya…😆😆 aur badee mushkil se apane aap ko sambhaalate huai bola – “pagalai ye railway station hai”.
Sanat hotel mein khana khane ke baad utha aur waiter ko 10 rupaye diye.
Waiter – 10 rupaye ki tip to mere bejati hai.
Santa – to fir?
Waiter – 20 rupaye to do.
Santa- nhi yaar… main tumhare do baar bejati nhi kr sakta.
Santa ek baar skin problam se dukhee ho kar doctorr ke paas pahunchata hai..
Doctor- tum kaun sa saabun istemaal karate ho?
Santa – bajarang ka saabun.
Doctor – pest?
Santa – bajarang ka pest.
Doctor – shaimpoo?
Santa – bajarang ka shaimpoo.
Doctor – are yaar ..aakhir ye bajarang kaun see kampanee hai? santa – bajarang mera room paartanar hai.
picture hol ke saamane ka najaara aadamee – bhae saahab yah skootar stand kahaan hai.😐😐
Santa – bhae saahab aap pahale mujhe apana naam batao? Aadmi – pappoo.
Santa – ab apane maata-pita ka naam batao?
Aadmi – mujhe picture dekhane jaana hai, aap mera samay barbaad kie🕑 bina batao skootar stand kahaan hai?
Santa – tabhee to bol raaha hoon, jaldee batao?
Aadmi – mere maata ka naam aasha devee hai, aur vo teacher hain. pita jee ka naam raajesh sharma hai, aur vo vakeel hai.
Santa – sab padhe likhe hain.
Aadmi – haan ab batao skootar staind kahaan hai?
Santa – padhe likhe maan baap ki aulaad skootar stand skootar ke neeche hota hai.
Santa – tum operation karne se pahale hee kyon bhaag gaye?🤔🤔 banta – nars baar-baar kah rahi thi, daro mat kuchh nahin hoga himmat rakho, kuchh nahin hoga… ye to bas ek chhota sa aapareshan hai.😇😇
Santa- to is mein darane ki kya baat hai? sahi to kah rahi thi!
Banta- abe, vo mujhase nhi doctor se kah rahi thi!!!
Santa ek baar traffic police mein job ke liye interview dene gaya.
Interviewer– agar ek aadami gadhe ke savaaree karata hua rod se ja raha hai, aur usane helamet nahin pahana, to kya aap use dandit karenge?
Santa – nahin.
Interviewer – kyon?
Santa – kyonki helamet 2 vhilar ke liye jaroori hai, 4 vheelar ke lie nhi. 😂😂😂
Santa pairaashoot bech raha tha.
Santa- aaeye… aaeye … isase aap jameen par kood sakate hain aur ek batan dabaate he aap lainding kar sakate hain. aur is pairaashoot se aap kisee bhee paristhiti mein surakshit bach sakate hain.
Customer – aur agar ye open na hua to?
Santa – to paise vaapas…!!
Santa apane bivi bachchon ke saath bas mein chadha.
conductor – sabhee apana tikat lelen.
Santa – o paajee bachcho ka bhee tiket lagega kya?
conductor – haan agar 8 (umr) se oopar hai to.
Santa – chalo bach gaya mere to 6 hee bachchen hain.
Santa rikshe vaale se – haan bhaiya khaali ho kya?
Rikshevaala – ha bhai khaali hoon. 😇😇
Santa – to aao chalo taas khelate hain.
sabjee vaala 🍆sabjee par paanee chhidak raha tha. kafi der ho gae. to santa ne gusse mein bola – bhai saahab agar bhindee hosh mein aagee ho to ek kilo tol do.
😂😂😂
Santa ne ek hotal mein skeem dekhi aur dinar karne pahuncha.
Waiter – sar aapaka bil.
Santa – lo kaard rakh lo. 💳💳
Waiter – lekin sar ye to aap ke shaadee ka kaard hai.
Santa – to phir bahaar kya majaak mein likh rakha hai ki “ol kaards eksepted”?
Santa badi der se apane kamare mein kuchh dhoondh raha tha, pareshaan ho kar uski patni boli – kya hua itanee der se kya dhoondh rahe ho?
Santa – hiden camera! 📷
Patni – tumhen aise kyon laga ki is kamaren mein camera hai.
Santa – agar is kamare mein hiden camera nhi laga to T.V. mein aa rahe is aadmi ko kaise pata chal jaata hai ki ham staar plas dekh rahe hain. baar baar yah kyon bol raha hai? aap dekh rahe hain staar plas.
Santa Banta se- Yaar UP me itni gareebi hai ki subha-subha log lakdi khane ko majboor hain.
Banta- Abe ullu …. use datun kahte hain.
